Day One:

Dear John,

Hello there. It looks like you and I will be working together to write an essay, so I’m

going to start out with the basics.

An essay is a piece of writing that proves a point. Essays differ from reports in that the purpose of a report is to provide general information on a certain topic. Essays are more aggressive. They get right into the reader’s face.

There are three basic types of essays. Some people will tell you that there are more, but

any other types you might hear about can be divided into these three categories.

The first type of essay is called a personal essay. Personal essays are “personal” in that they prove a point that is “personal” to the writer. You might write a personal essay about your opinion on sibling rivalry, or on your ideas as to what happens to people when they die. Because the point of personal essay is a personal one, it’s often very difficult to disprove. After all, one person’s opinion is just as good as the next, right?

Here are some sample subjects for personal essays:

1. My opinion of winter.

2. My opinion of public school.

3. Why my grandmother is such a wonderful person.

4. Why I think dogs are better than cats.

Notice that each of those four examples involves some sort of opinion. In order to “prove” each of those four examples, the writer would need to focus much of his or her energies on describing personal experiences and memories.

The second type of essay is the persuasive essay. Its purpose is (surprise!) to persuade a reader into believing a certain idea. Persuasive essays are usually political or social in

nature. Here are some examples:

1. Why the death penalty is a bad idea.

2. Why George Bush is an excellent (or not-so-excellent) president.

3. Why democrats are smarter than (or not nearly as smart as) republicans.

Each of those four ideas offers an opinion, but the opinion is much more serious than the sort you’d find in a personal essay. After all, political and social issues tend to be more serious than personal ones.

The last type of essay is the critical essay. Critical essays are written about pieces of literature. They’re the most common form of literary analysis. If you were to write one you’d come up with a very specific claim about a particular story, and then you’d use quotes from the story to prove the claim.

At this point you know enough about essays to figure out which type you’d like to try to write. So tell me – which will it be? Critical, personal, or persuasive? Send me your thoughts and ideas, and I’ll help you get started.

Sincerely,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Z.,

I guess I'll write a personal essay on why dogs are better than cats. This one was particularly appealing since we have one dog and one cat. (I think the dog is better, but my mom has other ideas.) :-)~

John Campbell

________________________________________________________________________

Day Two:

Dear John,

A personal essay about why dogs are better than cats is fine (I agree with you, by the

way!), but it’s important that you realize that the topics that I sent in my last e-mail were

examples – you don’t have to pick from them. If there are any other topics that you

might want to write about, then let me know.

Otherwise, our first official move in writing the paper is to generate some raw material.

That means explaining to me, in paragraph form, why you think dogs are better than cats.

Once we know what it is we’re dealing with, we can talk about how to begin “shaping” it

into a personal essay.

Hope to hear from you again soon,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Zmejewski,

Here is my paragraph on why dogs are better than cats. (I'm glad you agree with

me, though I wouldn't care if I offended a cat lover!)

John Campbell ( - ;

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try. This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Dog’s eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train working dogs for use by law enforcement and the military or even seeing-eye dogs. You can see that dogs are also practical animals that can be trained to accomplish many tasks to aid their human masters. In addition to the jobs mentioned above, dogs also pull sleds, herd sheep, and have even helped exterminators locate hard-to-find infestations. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train, and once trained they rarely will perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead. Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Who ever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Three:

Dear John,

I can tell already that I’m going to like working on this project a lot. As far as I’m

concerned, dogs are the greatest things since sliced bread. 

Now that we’ve got some raw material to work with, we can start shaping your essay.

The first thing we’ll need to do is to divide it into paragraphs according to the different

topics you’ve addressed. That way we’ll have an easier time seeing which sections need

the most work.

After you’ve done that, we need to start revising the first section of the paper, which

focuses on the fact that dogs are protective.

The word “revision” literally means, “to see again.” The prefix “re” suggests doing

something again, and the root word “vision” means sight. So when we revise a story we

try to see it a second time, from a fresh perspective.

Think of it like this: If you were hiking up a mountain, you wouldn’t truly be able to

appreciate just how far you’d come until you reached the very top. From there you could

look down and see the different paths you took. You could figure out which ways would

have been easier, and which ways would have been more interesting. Then, when you

climb up the mountain sometime in the future, you can take the new information into

account and have a much more enjoyable time on your hike. You can visit waterfalls that

you didn’t see before, and caves, and all sorts of other good things.

When I look at the first section of your essay, the thing that I see missing is some

personal experience. If you can tell a brief story about something that actually happened

to you in terms of how dogs are protective, then the essay will become much more lively

– and potentially pretty funny. Here’s a quick example of what I mean:  

“They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.  I remember one particular day when our Belgian sheepdog puppy, who was only four months old at the time, walked out into the back yard one morning only to spy a bulldozer parked in our neighbor’s driveway. That poor dog must have thought a dinosaur had come to eat all of us up, because he dropped into a crouch and started snarling and barking so loud and fast that my wife came flying out of the house in her bathrobe. She had to walk over to the fence and pet the bulldozer with her hand, all the while saying, ‘It’s a nice bulldozer, Vinnie! See how nice, nice, nice it is?” before Vinnie would stop barking. Of course the drawback is that Vinnie now has absolutely no fear of any vehicles at all, and thinks that garbage trucks, police cars, motorcycles, construction vehicles, and even snowplows are his best friends.”

See what I mean? A bit of personal anecdote and the personal essay becomes a lot more

personal.

For now, take a shot at 1) dividing up those paragraphs, and 2) creating some short scenes. The process should be a lot of fun, actually.

Hope to hear from you again soon,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Zmejewski,  

Here is the revised whateveryouwanttocallit. (I don't think it's an essay yet, but it's

more than a paragraph!)

John Campbell :-)~

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that

dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if

their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July we set off a ground bloom. A ground bloom is basically a firework that spins around on the ground spewing fire in such a way as to look like a flower. Murphy, our terrier assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of the night. He attempted to bite the thing, only to be promptly “bitten” back. Undaunted, he charged in again with the same painful result. One of us was then able to grab onto a very bewildered Murphy until the firework died. Murphy came out of the ordeal with a slightly singed muzzle and a better understanding why not to play with fire.

This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Our own cat would rather and often does sit out in the rain rather then come into the house through the dog door.

Dog’s eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train working dogs for use by law enforcement and the military or even seeing-eye dogs.

You can see that dogs are also practical animals that can be trained to accomplish many tasks to aid their human masters. In addition to the jobs mentioned above, dogs also pull sleds, herd sheep, and have even helped exterminators locate hard-to-find infestations.

Cats on the other hand are difficult to train, and once trained they rarely will perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead. Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Who ever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Four:

Dear John,

Nope, it’s definitely not an essay quite yet, but it’s well on its way!

The experience about Murphy and the fireworks was exactly what your whateveryouwanttocallit needed. The thing to do now is to come up with some more – preferably about cats. The bit about the cat not coming in out of the rain is a good start, but I’m sure you’ll agree that a more in-depth “cats don’t care about anyone but  themselves” story would make the paper even more humorous and enjoyable. Can you come up with one?

Hope to hear from you again soon,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Z.,

Here's the whateveryouwanttocallit with the added story about the >'-'< cat.

John Campbell :-)~

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July we set off a ground bloom. A ground bloom is basically a firework that spins around on the ground spewing fire in such a way as to look like a flower. Murphy, our terrier assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of the night. He attempted to bite the thing, only to be promptly “bitten” back. Undaunted, he charged in again with the same painful result. One of us was then able to grab onto a very bewildered Murphy until the firework died. Murphy came out of the ordeal with a slightly singed muzzle and a better understanding why not to play with fire.

This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Our own cat would rather and often does sit out in the rain rather then come into the house through the dog door.

For a while, the cat’s bed was a soft towel folded up on top of the nice warm hot water heater which suited her just fine until she learned that the dog had a cushion to sleep on instead of a hard, cold, and unforgiving hot water heater. So whenever she had the chance, she kicked the dog off of his cushion and used it herself. We eventually decided to fix the problem by getting the dog another cushion and giving the cat his old one. The new cushion was slightly larger than the old one, which was just as well since it fit him better. The slight change in size however, did not go unnoticed by the cat, who decided that she would share with the dog and give him back his old cushion. Now the dog sleeps in the nice warm house on his large plush cushion, and the cat sleeps in the back room on her small one.

Dog’s eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train working dogs for use by law enforcement and the military or even seeing-eye dogs.

You can see that dogs are also practical animals that can be trained to accomplish many tasks to aid their human masters. In addition to the jobs mentioned above, dogs also pull sleds, herd sheep, and have even helped exterminators locate hard-to-find infestations. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train, and once trained they rarely will perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead. Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Who ever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Five:

Dear John,

I hope you had a good weekend. The section you wrote about the cat was just what we needed to move us into “deeper” territory. Now that you’ve described two specific events  one about the dog, and one about the cat), you can launch into what we call a “personal monologue”.

A personal monologue is a section (usually found in an essay) in which the writer (surprise - that’s you!) gets to comment on something he’s just written. You explained “what happened” with the cat – now you get to comment on it. Therefore, I’ll ask you to write a paragraph in which you 1) point out what we can learn from the example you just provided, and 2) add in any other personal opinions that you want to bring up. The paragraph, of course, should be positioned directly the description of the cat.  Another idea for your paper, if you’re interested, is to add in a section about “dog people” and “cat people”. As I’m sure you know, people tend to favor either dogs or cats, but never both.

Hope to hear from you again soon,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Z.,

Here's my monologue about the cat.

John Campbell

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that

dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if

their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July we set off a ground bloom. A ground bloom is basically a firework that spins around on the ground spewing fire in such a way as to look like a flower. Murphy, our terrier assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of the night. He attempted to bite the thing, only to be promptly “bitten” back. Undaunted, he charged in again with the same painful result. One of us was then able to grab onto a very bewildered Murphy until the firework died. Murphy came out of the ordeal with a slightly singed muzzle and a better understanding why not to play with fire.

This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Our own cat would rather and often does sit out in the rain rather then come into the house through the dog door.

For a while, our cat’s bed was a soft towel folded up on top of the nice warm hot water heater which suited her just fine until she learned that the dog had a cushion to sleep on instead of a hard, cold, and unforgiving hot water heater. So whenever she had the chance, she kicked the dog off of his cushion and used it herself. We eventually decided to fix the problem by getting the dog another cushion and giving the cat his old one. The new cushion was slightly larger than the old one, which was just as well since it fit him better. The slight change in size however, did not go unnoticed by the cat, who decided that she would share with the dog and give him back his old cushion. Now the dog sleeps in the nice warm house on his large plush cushion, and the cat sleeps in the back room on her small one.

Cats obviously have no concern for the well-being or comfort of other fellow creatures, and will not hesitate to take advantage of other weaker or kinder-hearted animals. If one of their worldly comforts is compromised in any way, they become a very moody and go off to sulk until the situation is resolved. An animal with such drastic and sudden attitude changes is certainly not going to be the best pet in the world. (Although possibly the worst.) Cats are also terribly ungrateful, showing no thankfulness whatsoever if they are given special treatment of some sort. They just generally assume that it is nothing more than what they deserve. Cats are also overly independent, and enjoy pretending that they don’t need you or anyone else. Cats should definitely not be considered your best friend. Dog’s eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train working dogs for use by law enforcement and the military or even seeing-eye dogs.

You can see that dogs are also practical animals that can be trained to accomplish many tasks to aid their human masters. In addition to the jobs mentioned above, dogs also pull sleds, herd sheep, and have even helped exterminators locate hard-to-find infestations. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train, and once trained they rarely will perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead. Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Who ever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Six:

Dear John,

Very good. Your monologue about cats is everything it should be, so we’ll move ahead. But before we do that, I need you to know that at this point we’re working on putting together a first draft of your essay. Once that process is finished, we’ll be working on all sorts of revision strategies and line-by-line writing.

Anyway, after the monologue there are only three other paragraphs in your essay, and they all focus on the issue of trainability. What we need to do next is to make a decision: should we develop those paragraphs into a memory, or into a monologue? They’re too short to be left the way they are, and they’re not nearly as interesting as your monologue or the Murphy scene. So which will it be? A memory, or a monologue?

Make your decision, write the passage, and get back to me when you can. You’ll notice that after we cover certain skills or techniques, I’m gradually going to “pull away” and let you make most of the decisions in this piece. You’re certainly ready for that sort of thing!

Hope to hear from you again soon,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Z.,

Here is the section about the training. I guess it would be considered a memory.

(It must have been a cat that said you can't teach an old dog new tricks, because

murphy is 13 and does just fine.)

John Campbell :-)~

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July we set off a ground bloom. A ground bloom is basically a firework that spins around on the ground spewing fire in such a way as to look like a flower. Murphy, our terrier assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of the night. He attempted to bite the thing, only to be promptly “bitten” back. Undaunted, he charged in again with the same painful result. One of us was then able to grab onto a very bewildered Murphy until the firework died. Murphy came out of the ordeal with a slightly singed muzzle and a better understanding why not to play with fire.

This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Our own cat would rather and often does sit out in the rain rather then come into the house through the dog door.

For a while, our cat’s bed was a soft towel folded up on top of the nice warm hot water heater which suited her just fine until she learned that the dog had a cushion to sleep on instead of a hard, cold, and unforgiving hot water heater. So whenever she had the chance, she kicked the dog off of his cushion and used it herself. We eventually decided to fix the problem by getting the dog another cushion and giving the cat his old one. The new cushion was slightly larger than the old one, which was just as well since it fit him better. The slight change in size however, did not go unnoticed by the cat, who decided that she would share with the dog and give him back his old cushion. Now the dog sleeps in the nice warm house on his large plush cushion, and the cat sleeps in the back room on her small one.

Cats obviously have no concern for the well-being or comfort of other fellow creatures, and will not hesitate to take advantage of other weaker or kinder-hearted animals. If one of their worldly comforts is compromised in any way, they become a very moody and go off to sulk until the situation is resolved. An animal with such drastic and sudden attitude changes is certainly not going to be the best pet in the world. (Although possibly the worst.) Cats are also terribly ungrateful, showing no thankfulness whatsoever if they are given special treatment of some sort. They just generally assume that it is nothing more than what they deserve. Cats are also overly independent, and enjoy pretending that they don’t need you or anyone else. Cats should definitely not be considered your best friend. Dog’s eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train dogs for the many jobs they now hold, from aiding law enforcement personnel and herding sheep to seeing-eye dogs and even helping exterminators locate hard to find infestations. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train and once trained, will rarely perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead.

Murphy certainly wouldn’t be the type of dog used for most jobs, but he has demonstrated his ability to be trained in other ways. When I decided that I would teach him to beg, I only had to put him through the motions for around 20 minutes each day, and he learned in about 3 days. He learned to roll over in a similar amount of time. Now he’s even learning to walk on his hind legs! I tried to teach the cat to beg for the fun of it, but she just flopped around when I tried to hold her up, and went back to her bed as soon as I let go. She showed no talent at all as far as willingness or comprehension of what I wanted her to do. Murphy just kept trying until he hit on the right thing, and then caught on almost immediately.

Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Who ever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Seven:

Dear John,

We’ve reached a “breaking point” in your essay. Right now you’ve developed your original ideas and material so that we can say you’ve officially finished the first draft. The question now is whether or not we’ll begin revising the rough draft, or whether we’ll add to it so that it moves on to a new topic. Either option is fine.

Whether or not you’ll move on to a new topic will be determined by whether or not you have something else to say on the subject of cats and dogs. You’ve covered issues of obedience, protection, and trainability. Are there any others that you think need to be included? If I were you I might go so far as to put something in about the difference between “cat people” and “dog people” – though in your case, that might cause a family feud! Another idea is to bring up the subject of history: throughout history, dogs were used by people to do all sorts of jobs, while cats were – well, cats didn’t do much of anything.

Let me know what you decide to do. If you decide that it’s time to start revising the paper to bring it to a close, that’s fine. And if you decide to expand the essay into new territory, that’s fine too. Essays can be any length, so long as they remain focused.

Hope to hear from you again soon,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Z.,

I guess I'll start revising the essay now. I decided not to do the dog and cat

people thing and keep the essay just about the animals and their characteristics

and abilities. Granted, a cat's abilities don't go much beyond sleeping. (I don't

want to get in a feud with my teacher either, I would loose miserably.)

John Campbell :-)~

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July we set off a ground bloom. A ground bloom is basically a firework that spins around on the ground spewing fire in such a way as to look like a flower. Murphy, our terrier assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of the night. He attempted to bite the thing, only to be promptly “bitten” back. Undaunted, he charged in again with the same painful result. One of us was then able to grab onto a very bewildered Murphy until the firework died. Murphy came out of the ordeal with a slightly singed muzzle and a better understanding why not to play with fire.

This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Our own cat would rather and often does sit out in the rain rather then come into the house through the dog door.

For a while, our cat’s bed was a soft towel folded up on top of the nice warm hot water heater which suited her just fine until she learned that the dog had a cushion to sleep on instead of a hard, cold, and unforgiving hot water heater. So whenever she had the chance, she kicked the dog off of his cushion and used it herself. We eventually decided to fix the problem by getting the dog another cushion and giving the cat his old one. The new cushion was slightly larger than the old one, which was just as well since it fit him better. The slight change in size however, did not go unnoticed by the cat, who decided that she would share with the dog and give him back his old cushion. Now the dog sleeps in the nice warm house on his large plush cushion, and the cat sleeps in the back room on her small one.

Cats obviously have no concern for the well-being or comfort of other fellow creatures, and will not hesitate to take advantage of other weaker or kinder-hearted animals. If one of their worldly comforts is compromised in any way, they become a very moody and go off to sulk until the situation is resolved. An animal with such drastic and sudden attitude changes is certainly not going to be the best pet in the world. (Although possibly the worst.) Cats are also terribly ungrateful, showing no thankfulness whatsoever if they are given special treatment of some sort. They just generally assume that it is nothing more than what they deserve. Cats are also overly independent, and enjoy pretending that they don’t need you or anyone else. Cats should definitely not be considered your best friend. Dog’s eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train dogs for the many jobs they now hold, from aiding law enforcement personnel and herding sheep to seeing-eye dogs and even helping exterminators locate hard to find infestations. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train and once trained, will rarely perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead.

Murphy certainly wouldn’t be the type of dog used for most jobs, but he has demonstrated his ability to be trained in other ways. When I decided that I would teach him to beg, I only had to put him through the motions for around 20 minutes each day, and he learned in about 3 days. He learned to roll over in a similar amount of time. Now he’s even learning to walk on his hind legs! I tried to teach the cat to beg for the fun of it, but she just flopped around when I tried to hold her up, and went back to her bed as soon as I let go. She showed no talent at all as far as willingness or comprehension of what I wanted her to do. Murphy just kept trying until he hit on the right thing, and then caught on almost immediately.

Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Who ever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Eight:

Dear John,

All right then – we’ll start the revision process.

As we said when we first started working on this project, the word “revision” literally means “to see again.”   Just as we revised your very first draft, we’re going to revise this one as well.  A writer’s primary job, you’ll find, is to revise his work over and over until it looks exactly how he wants it to look. 

To start the process of revision this time, we need to get some distance from the paper. To accomplish that task we’ll use something called a Breakdown List. A breakdown list is nothing more than a list of the paragraphs in a paper, complete with a brief description of each. Take a look:

Paragraph One: Introduction

Paragraph Two: Murphy and the fireworks

Paragraph Three: Short paragraph about cats

Paragraph Four: Cat on the pillow

Paragraph Five: Cat attitudes

Paragraph Six: Dogs are eager to please

Paragraph Seven: Training the cat

Paragraph Eight: Conclusion

See how it works? Now that we have the breakdown list, I need you to do two things.

First, look at the list and examine the different subjects. Does each description look like the sort of thing that should be the subject of a paragraph? If one of them looks suspicious (I think Paragraph Three looks suspicious, by the way, because “short paragraph about cats” doesn’t tell us very much) then you should re-read the paragraph and see if the paragraph truly works. As a rule, a paragraph should focus on one specific topic – and if it doesn’t, you should either cut the paragraph out or blend it with one of your others.

The second thing I need you to do is to look at the breakdown list and decide whether or not the paragraphs are in the best possible order. A useful way to do this is to imagine how you’d re-order the paragraphs if you knew you absolutely had to do so. That way you can compare the two orders and figure out which one works best.

Get back to me on those two issues, and we’ll move ahead.

Sincerely,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Z.,

I think I have the paragraphs the way I like them now. When I first typed up the paragraphs, I tried to put them where the dog's willingness/talent for doing something  as highlighted by the cat reacting in an opposing manner. Such as the paragraph after the one about dog's protection talking about cats not caring about anyone so long as they have that  hey want. I tried to make paragraph three about cats and their lifestyle and not to similar to the attitude paragraph. I also decided to swap four and five, (with a few small modifications so it would work.) because paragraph four follows with a real-life example of what was talked about in paragraph five. (after the swap.) Sort of like a defendant giving his side of the story, then proving why it is true. Six and Seven seem to work out the same way as they are, with the paragraph seven giving real-life experiences as an example of what was talked about in six. (I think an introductory paragraph is probably best at the beginning.) (-:

Paragraph two seems in a good place since it follows the intro. talking about dogs and their attempts at protection. And I guess that I will conclude the essay with the conclusion. (something just seemed right about it.)

John Campbell

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July we set off a ground bloom. A ground bloom is basically a firework that spins around on the ground spewing fire in such a way as to look like a flower. Murphy, our terrier assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of the night. He attempted to bite the thing, only to be promptly “bitten” back. Undaunted, he charged in again with the same painful result. One of us was then able to grab onto a very bewildered Murphy until the firework died. Murphy came out of the ordeal with a slightly singed muzzle and a better understanding why not to play with fire.

This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Our own cat would rather and often does sit out in the rain rather then come into the house through the dog door. Cats seem to think that they’re a superior species, who deserve the best treatment and should never associate with other animals of a lower status. They also need to learn to toughen up a little bit. Everything they have has to be soft and fuzzy, or extra chewy, ensuring that they exert as little life energy as possible. At times they don’t seem to be much more than small and furry sloth.

Cats have no concern for the well-being or comfort of other fellow creatures either, and will not hesitate to take advantage of other weaker or kinder-hearted animals. If one of their worldly comforts is compromised in any way, they become a very moody and go off to sulk until the situation is resolved. An animal with such drastic and sudden attitude changes is certainly not going to be the best pet in the world. (Although possibly the worst.) Cats are also terribly ungrateful, showing no thankfulness whatsoever if they are given special treatment of some sort. They just generally assume that it is nothing more than what they deserve. Cats are also overly independent, and enjoy pretending that they don’t need you or anyone else. Cats should definitely not be considered your best friend. For a while, our cat’s bed was a soft towel folded up on top of the nice warm hot water heater which suited her just fine until she learned that the dog had a cushion to sleep on instead of a hard, cold, and unforgiving hot water heater. So whenever she had the chance, she kicked the dog off of his cushion and used it herself. We eventually decided to fix the problem by getting the dog another cushion and giving the cat his old one. The new cushion was slightly larger than the old one, which was just as well since it fit him better. The slight change in size however, did not go unnoticed by the cat, who decided that she would share with the dog and give him back his old cushion. Now the dog sleeps in the nice warm house on his large plush cushion, and the cat sleeps in the back room on her small one.

Dog’s eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train dogs for the many jobs they now hold, from aiding law enforcement personnel and herding sheep to seeing-eye dogs and even helping exterminators locate hard to find infestations. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train and once trained, will rarely perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead.

Murphy certainly wouldn’t be the type of dog used for most jobs, but he has demonstrated his ability to be trained in other ways. When I decided that I would teach him to beg, I only had to put him through the motions for around 20 minutes each day, and he learned in about 3 days. He learned to roll over in a similar amount of time. Now he’s even learning to walk on his hind legs! I tried to teach the cat to beg for the fun of it, but she just flopped around when I tried to hold her up, and went back to her bed as soon as I let go. She showed no talent at all as far as willingness or comprehension of what I wanted her to do. Murphy just kept trying until he hit on the right thing, and then caught on almost immediately.

Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Who ever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Nine:

Dear John,

I have to say I’m impressed. The revisions you made to your paper were absolutely excellent. In particular, the adjustments you made to some of the individual sentences did a great job of making the overall piece flow together.

At this point the only thing left to do is to edit the paper, which means fixing punctuation, spelling, mechanics and sentence structure. The process shouldn’t take long at all. I’ll need you to go through it on your own first. That way when I go through it I’ll know that any mistakes that are left are ones you didn’t recognize – which means I’ll need to explain them in more depth.

Hope to hear from you again soon (can you believe we’re almost done?!),

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Z.,

Here's the edited essay. Grammar isn’t my strongest point. (Especially punctuation.)

Hopefully I didn't do too bad.

John Campbell :-)~

Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July, we set off a ground bloom. A ground bloom is basically a firework that spins around on the ground spewing fire in such a way as to look like a flower. Murphy, our terrier assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of the night. He attempted to bite the thing, only to be promptly “bitten” back. Undaunted, he charged in again with the same painful result. One of us was then able to grab onto a very bewildered Murphy until the firework died. Murphy came out of the ordeal with a slightly singed muzzle and a better understanding why not to play with fire.

This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Our own cat would rather and often does sit out in the rain rather then come into the house through the dog door. Cats seem to think that they’re a superior species who deserve the very best treatment, and should never associate with other animals of a lower status. They also need to learn to toughen up a little bit. Everything they have has to be soft and fuzzy or extra chewy, ensuring that they exert as little life energy as possible. At times they don’t seem to be much more than small and furry sloth.

Cats have no concern for the well-being or comfort of other fellow creatures either, and will not hesitate to take advantage of other weaker or kinder-hearted animals. If one of their worldly comforts is compromised in any way, they become very moody and go off to sulk until the situation is resolved. An animal with such drastic and sudden attitude changes is certainly not going to be the best pet in the world. (Although very possibly the worst.) They are also terribly ungrateful, showing no thankfulness whatsoever if they are given special treatment of some sort. They just generally assume that it is nothing more than what they deserve. Cats are overly independent as well, and enjoy pretending that they don’t need you or anyone else. Cats should definitely not be considered your best friend.

For a while, our cat’s bed was a soft towel folded up on top of the nice warm hot water heater which suited her just fine until she learned that the dog had a cushion to sleep on instead of a hard, cold, and unforgiving hot water heater. So whenever she had the chance, she kicked the dog off of his cushion and used it herself. We eventually decided to fix the problem by getting the dog another cushion and giving the cat his old one. The new cushion was slightly larger than the old one, which was just as well since it fit him better. The slight change in size however, did not go unnoticed by the cat, who decided that she would share with the dog and give him back his old cushion. Now the dog sleeps in the nice warm house on his large plush cushion, and the cat sleeps in the back room on her small cushion.

Dogs’ eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train dogs for the many jobs they now hold, from aiding law enforcement personnel and herding sheep to seeing-eye dogs and even helping exterminators locate hard to find infestations. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train and once trained, will rarely perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead.

Murphy certainly wouldn’t be the type of dog used for most jobs, but he’s demonstrated his ability to be trained in other ways. When I decided that I would teach him to beg, I only had to put him through the motions for around 20 minutes each day, and he learned in about three days. He learned to roll over in a similar amount of time. Now he’s even learning to walk on his hind legs! I tried to teach the cat to beg for the fun of it, but she just flopped around when I tried to hold her up, and went back to her bed as soon as I let go. She showed no talent at all as far as willingness or comprehension of what I wanted her to do. Murphy just kept trying until he hit on the right thing, and then caught on almost immediately.

Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Whoever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Ten:

Dear John,

Very good. There are only a few editing issues that we need to take care of. Here they

are.

1. Murphy, our terrier assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of

the night.

Put a comma after “our terrier”. If you read the sentence out loud you’ll hear yourself

pause there.

2. Our own cat would rather and often does sit out in the rain rather then come into

the house through the dog door.

Put the phrase “and often does” in a set of parentheses.

3. At times they don’t seem to be much more than small and furry sloth.

Because the subject of this sentence is plural (the word “they”), you’ll need to change the

second half of the sentence so that it says, “small and furry sloths.”

4. Cats have no concern for the well-being or comfort of other fellow creatures

either, and will not hesitate to take advantage of other weaker or kinder-hearted animals.

The words “other” and “either” should be taken out. Instead, say, “or comfort of their

fellow creatures, and will not hesitate”.

5. An animal with such drastic and sudden attitude changes is certainly not going to

be the best pet in the world. (Although very possibly the worst.)

The sentence “Although very possibly the worst” isn’t a complete sentence. To fix it,

simply remove the parentheses, and attach it to the end of the first sentence like this: “An

animal with such drastic and sudden attitude changes is certainly not going to be the best

pet in the world, although they may very possibly be the worst.

6. They just generally assume that it is nothing more than what they deserve.

The word “it” isn’t clearly defined enough. You might replace it with something like

“anything good that happens to them”.

7. For a while, our cat’s bed was a soft towel folded up on top of the nice warm hot

water heater which suited her just fine until she learned that the dog had a cushion to

sleep on instead of a hard, cold, and unforgiving hot water heater.

The phrase “instead of a hard, cold, and unforgiving hot water heater” should be taken

out because you already referred to the hot water heater as “nice” and “warm”.

8. Without this, it would be very difficult to train dogs for the many jobs they now

hold, from aiding law enforcement personnel and herding sheep to seeing-eye dogs and

even helping exterminators locate hard to find infestations.

Put a comma after “and herding sheep”.

9. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train and once trained, will rarely perform

the task on command, preferring to sleep instead.

Put a comma after “difficult to train”.

Other than those nine things, we’re pretty much done with this piece. Send it to me again

so I can go over it one more time.

Sincerely,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Z.,

Here's the updated essay. On number three, I just made a stupid mistake. I guess when I  read the essay thruogh, I expected to see the word "sloths" so my mind put the "s" there  for me. (How considerate of it.) On number seven, the reason I had two different descriptions was to show the cat suddenly thinking that the hot water heater wasn't so great after all when she discovered that she didn't have the very best the world had to offer. (I can see where it would be confusing though, since most people don't know what goes on in my mind.) I don't have any excuses for the other numbers. *sniff* :'''-(

I've sure enjoyed writing this essay.

Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July, we set off a ground bloom. A ground bloom is basically a firework that spins around on the ground spewing fire in such a way as to look like a flower. Murphy, our terrier, assumed that we had fallen prey to some unknown creature of the night. He attempted to bite the thing, only to be promptly “bitten” back. Undaunted, he charged in again with the same painful result. One of us was then able to grab onto a very bewildered Murphy until the firework died. Murphy came out of the ordeal with a slightly singed muzzle and a better understanding why not to play with fire.

This is more than can be said for cats, which don’t care one iota whether you live or die, so long as they have premium kitty food and a plush velvet cushion for their beauty sleep. Our own cat would rather (and often does) sit out in the rain rather then come into the house through the dog door. Cats seem to think that they’re a superior species who deserve the very best treatment, and should never associate with other animals of a lower status. They also need to learn to toughen up a little bit. Everything they have has to be soft and fuzzy or extra chewy, ensuring that they exert as little life energy as possible. At times they don’t seem to be much more than small and furry sloths.

Cats have no concern for the well-being or comfort of fellow creatures, and will not hesitate to take advantage of other weaker or kinder-hearted animals. If one of their worldly comforts is compromised in any way, they become very moody and go off to sulk until the situation is resolved. An animal with such drastic and sudden attitude changes is certainly not going to be the best pet in the world, although they may very possibly the worst. They are also terribly ungrateful, showing no thankfulness whatsoever if they are given special treatment of some sort. They just generally assume that any special treatment is nothing more than what they deserve. Cats are overly independent as well, and enjoy pretending that they don’t need you or anyone else. Cats should definitely not be considered your best friend.

For a while, our cat’s bed was a soft towel folded up on top of the nice warm hot water heater which suited her just fine until she learned that the dog had a cushion to sleep on. So whenever she had the chance, she kicked the dog off of his cushion and used it herself. We eventually decided to fix the problem by getting the dog another cushion and giving the cat his old one. The new cushion was slightly larger than the old one, which was just as well since it fit him better. The slight change in size however, did not go unnoticed by the cat, who decided that she would share with the dog and give him back his old cushion. Now the dog sleeps in the nice warm house on his large plush cushion, and the cat sleeps in the back room on her small cushion.

Dogs’ eagerness to please their masters is also a commendable trait which cats simply don’t have. Without this, it would be very difficult to train dogs for the many jobs they now hold, from aiding law enforcement personnel and herding sheep, to seeing-eye dogs and even helping exterminators locate hard to find infestations. Cats on the other hand are difficult to train, and once trained, will rarely perform the task on command, preferring to sleep instead.

Murphy certainly wouldn’t be the type of dog used for most jobs, but he’s demonstrated his ability to be trained in other ways. When I decided that I would teach him to beg, I only had to put him through the motions for around 20 minutes each day, and he learned in about three days. He learned to roll over in a similar amount of time. Now he’s even learning to walk on his hind legs! I tried to teach the cat to beg for the fun of it, but she just flopped around when I tried to hold her up, and went back to her bed as soon as I let go. She showed no talent at all as far as willingness or comprehension of what I wanted her to do. Murphy just kept trying until he hit on the right thing, and then caught on almost immediately.

Dogs have also performed many heroic deeds from warning a sleeping family of a house fire to fighting to the death to protect their master. (Whoever heard of a heroic cat?) This is why I think dogs are better than cats.

________________________________________________________________________

Day Eleven:

Dear John,

Excellent work, as usual. The part about the hot water heater is much clearer. We’re just about finished with this paper. Personal essays are always a lot of fun. Believe it or not, there’s only one more editing issue that needs to be cleared up, and then we’ll be finished. Here it is:

1. Without this, it would be very difficult to train dogs for the many jobs they now hold,  from aiding law enforcement personnel and herding sheep, to seeing-eye dogs and even helping exterminators locate hard to find infestations.

The phrase “hard-to-find infestations” needs two hyphens in it. Do you see why?  The hyphens “tie” the words “hard-to-find” together so that they function as one single adjective describing “infestations.”

Now that your piece is finished, I have to admit that it’s an excellent, top-notch piece of writing. You have a knack for working with structure and something we call personal narrative voice, which is a fancy way of saying, “you write like you talk.” It might seem like a simple concept to you, but believe me, not everyone can pull it off successfully.

So tell me – what would your mom like us to work on next?

Sincerely,

Mr. Zmejewski

Writing Consultant

WriteGuide, Inc.

http://www.writeguide.com

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Z.,

Here is the final essay. I'm not sure if you wanted to see the final final copy, but here

it is anyway.

John Campbell

P.S. I sure had a lot of fun writing this essay!

Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats

I think dogs are better than cats for many reasons. I’m sure it is not without reason that dogs are called “man’s best friend.” They are loyal, obedient, and also protective. Even if their attempts at protection are sometimes unnecessary, at least they try.

On one occasion while our family was setting off various fireworks on the Fourth of July, we set off a ground blo